Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
