Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize