If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.