Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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