Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
