I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
