You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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