Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
