definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
