if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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