Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
