Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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