Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
