I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
