fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
they need to just BURY HIM!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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