I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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