I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
