Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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