he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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