Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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