i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
