Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Should I go bust a nut on the beach