3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"