Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT