im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This baby is an asshole
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
