i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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