Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
