Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
