Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
