Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
