I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
