Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
