We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
