I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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