She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
