You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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