...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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