if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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