the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
