Four minutes until I can fart!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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