She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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