We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
