guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
