Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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