ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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