you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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