she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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