Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
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Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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