Already got asked if we're dating
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
