im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
