yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
