okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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