Can i not drive my cunt home
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
