you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
farters have to be the big spoon...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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