If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I would fuck him just for his dog
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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