I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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