clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This gyro tastes like lonliness
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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