I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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