I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
