I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
