I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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