All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
