I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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