Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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