Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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