is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
