u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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