does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
