TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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