You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
